The One Reflection You’ll Want Before Closing the Year

Podcast 20 December, 2025

There’s one topic that consistently surprises me. Not because I don’t know about it (BELIEVE ME!). It shows up again and again, in conversation after conversation, with almost every woman I’ve been connecting with recently. What is it?

It’s that difficult, uncomfortable moment we experience when sharing something that didn’t work as expected. Something without the “happy ending.” A non-achievement. A failure.

It can be a personal project. A life decision. A negotiation at work. A new endeavor. A job application. A family project. A course. A creative idea. A project at work. Anything.

What I notice is how we (women) often approach these conversations from a distance. We hesitate to open the topic. We unfold the story slowly. We justify our actions. We add context no one asked for. Sometimes I can see the discomfort in our eyes. In our bodies. And don’t get me wrong. This is not a judgment. It’s an observation. An observation that started with me.

I saw how much I struggled to accept and recognize that an outcome is just an outcome. That it is not me who’s in the spotlight. Not my worth. Not my identity.

For women like me, women who think deeply but don’t always dare to openly and vocally share, this can be a very lonely road. A road filled with doubt, expectations, and disappointment.

So, what is it about failure that makes us freeze, panic, or fall into pure inaction? Why does it trigger guilt, shame, or complete disconnection from the process we are living?

Would you join me in understanding failure a bit better, especially as women? Let’s break it down.

First: failure is not as objective as we think. One of the trickiest things about failure is that it’s not just an outcome. It’s an interpretation. And interpretation depends on three critical questions:
- Whose intention was this outcome measured against?
- By what criteria?
- And in which context?
Without answering these questions, we’re not talking about facts. We’re talking about judgments.
Second: why does failure have such a high psychological cost for women? When you believe you’re being evaluated through a gendered lens, mistakes feel louder. They feel heavier. And that can shrink risk-taking, voice, and visibility. Failure doesn’t only hurt after the fact. It shapes behavior before action even happens.
Third: why does judgment feel harsher for women? Research consistently shows that people expect women to face stronger sanctions for failure. And that expectation alone can reduce ambition. This becomes even more visible in leadership roles. And let me be clear: this is not only about executives or C-level positions. This is about every single woman who leads. At work. At home. In community. In life.
Fourth: what do systems have to do with this? Systems are not neutral. They tend to convert structural advantage into “merit” and “competence.” So when someone fails, especially someone from a non-dominant group, the system often frames it as individual incapacity instead of misalignment with the rules of the game. Failure becomes personal when it was never meant to be.
Fifth: what is the real cost of misclassifying failure? In organizations, failure often works as a selection and filtering mechanism. It becomes a career gatekeeper instead of a spark for curiosity and creativity. Some failures are labeled as learning. Others as disqualification. And that difference is rarely about the failure itself. It’s about who is allowed to recover.
And finally, sixth, we can’t talk about failure without naming the “glass cliff” phenomenon. Women are more likely to be placed in leadership roles in organizations when performance is already declining or conditions are unstable. In those situations, failure is more likely, regardless of skill. And yet, it is still remembered as proof.

All of this led me to a personal quest: what is failure, really? Here’s the definition I landed on:

Failure is the meaning assigned to an unmet expectation, shaped by context, power, and narrative. It becomes harmful when it is treated as evidence of identity or legitimacy rather than information about strategy, conditions, or systems.

So why close the year with this topic?

Because this time of year invites reflection. We look at what went “right”, what went “wrong”, and what we want next. A cycle is ending. A new one is beginning.

This episode is an invitation to change the narrative while reflecting. It is an invitation to embrace failure safely and consciously as an act of agency. And when done deliberately, it becomes a way of refactoring the dominant narrative inside existing systemic boundaries.

And you might ask… “How do we do that?”. Let’s see if these 5 steps make sense to you:

STEP 1: Name it without becoming it. Own the meaning.

This is interpretive agency. Separate outcome from identity.

Ask: What happened, what was the expectation, and what does this actually mean?
STEP 2: Build the container before you process it.

This is not about romanticizing failure or being reckless. It’s about boundary management. Keep it safe and strategic.
- “I am more than this outcome”
- “I choose where and with whom failure is processed”
- “this is one moment, not a verdict”
- “I control the story before the system does”
STEP 3: Do the next brave thing, instead of avoiding.

Stop the avoidance loop:
- over-preparing,
- under-risking,
- self-censoring,
- opting out before failing publicly
Replace with one concrete move: a small experiment, a request, a pitch, a conversation, a re-try.
STEP 4: Refactor the way you speak about it, then share. This is discursive agency. Speaking differently inside a system without reproducing its limits.
- From “personal flaw” to “context and learning”
- From “I failed” to “this strategy failed here”
- From “this disqualifies me” to “this qualifies my insight”
Then share on purpose. When one woman reframes failure she protects her agency. When many women do it, they change the script.

Recognizing and embracing failure is both an internal act of agency and a quiet, cumulative act of cultural resistance.

Failure should not be a mechanism that immobilizes us. It should be a mechanism to build resilience, expand agency, and interrupt the system.

Guest.-

Ana Barbosa was with whom I started this project early this year, in September. She was the first one I interviewed, even though the episode was published in a different order. Ana, as some of you might know, is an economist, executive coach, and the founder of Las Líderes Studio. After years of leading in global companies, she understood that simply holding a position isn't enough: it's about transforming how power is exercised.

Today, she supports women determined to grow without losing their way, combining strategy, communication, and vision to open new doors based on who they already are.

Meet and connect with Ana: